Katie Killings' Killer Emporium

I had a really fuckin' weird dream last night. There was like a bulk-wedding thing happening with over 10 different weddings back-to-back, and I was getting married to some random girl I barely knew. And it was also really early to get married, Like, I specifically remember noting that I was only 19, then thinking, isn't this a little early to get married? I also remember like, my relationship only lasting a few months before then. Like I was totally unsure about my ability to feel like I was in the right relationship.

There was also a female version of one of my friends from middle school too. Specifically a boy I had a crush on. I was so unsure about the marriage I was just about to have, that I was almost flirting with her as soon as I could. I stopped though because I'm not stupid enough to actively cheat at my own wedding. That's just stupid.

I also remember the girl I was being married to looking a hell of a lot like Rita from Dexter. Whatever the hell that means (lol).

Other than that, a very uncomfortable dream. Although I do specifically finding a little comfort i it, despite the extremely suspicious 'bulk-wedding' that was organized by some third-party that I couldn't interact with. In fact, it felt quite dystopian. Like I was being forced as a part of a government program to get people married early so they could pump out babies early.

At some point in the dream, I considered just letting the marriage happen, and I felt awful. Like this surge of dysphoria that made me really unhappy. Maybe this is my subconscious trying to tell me to go after less hetero-normative relationships? It would relate to how my love life is going in real life right now. Not only do I have multiple possible relationships I can go down at the moment, but I'm stuck between which one I want.

There's one girl who's extremely androgynous (she's as hot as the men in Japanese host-clubs for reference), and she's really cute. She's really queer and actually had a stint where she was trans-masculine to try it out, but it didn’t feel quite right; at the moment she goes by any pronouns, so she could be a boyfriend or a girlfriend, or even both. I love being around her, but I'm not sure if she feels the same. That’s the only issue I see there.

There's another girl, I know she likes me, and she is smoking hot. Like seriously I'm so surprised that someone so hot was actually interested in me to begin with. The only thing is that her last relationship was really abusive, and she didn't want to get into another right away. I agreed that I didn't want to take advantage of her vulnerability at the time so we both agreed to not get into anything yet.

The third option is actually a boy; an emo, scene boy. And he is hot. He's actually really cute like the first girl. He's also bi, so I don't have to worry about him not accepting me as a tomboy-ish girl. But with me being the only other scene on campus, we're sorta like the 'prom-king & queen' position; so no doubts about getting together at this rate. He also loves the same music as me, which is a BIG thing for me. I need someone with the same music interests as me, especially 'cause I usually listen to really heavy stuff. Another, very important thing, is that I invited him to my band… and he accepted. I get giddy like a 10-year-old girl when I think about the fact that I'll being playing music in-front of him at some point, so maybe this is the best path for me.

But the dream makes me think that I should be really sure about who I decide to go out with in the end. Or maybe it's just trying to tell me to try multiple relationships before I marry anyone? Probably just that marriage is a government scam; something people want me to do early and at the same time as everyone else, so that I can fit in just like Dexter does.

I'll be steering clear of diamond rings and white dresses for a while.

first week of uni, now over. i can say, with the help of xan and addys, it has been a success or whatever.

...i think.

as soon as i got up, i tried to get out of bed quickly. i ended up getting sucked into tiktok for about an hour, but i had anticipated that so it wasn't a huge problem. once i broke free from the firm grasp of morning-bedrotting, i went to grab my bag and prepare a few textbooks in there so i didn't have to worry about it later. as i was doing this, my guitar, which i have had for 5+ years and love to death, fell forward and hit the ground. her head snapped clean off.

i was distraught. i bought that guitar way back when, and got it for the cheap since it was used, though extremely lightly. plus it was a model that wasn't being produced anymore. it's an epiphone SG Pro, which is a budget model, but the pickups sound almost identical to the ones on Les Pauls, which makes it sound beautiful.

regardless of how she sounded, she was dead. and i killed her. but i couldn't dwindle on that for long, i needed to get ready.

i had a shower. it was whatever. not terrible, but far from perfect. every time someone flushed a toilet or turned on a faucet on any level of the building, the temperature jumped and then plummeted. this meant that every now and again, you would feel like boiling water was being dumped on you for a fraction of a second. i literally jumped every time this happened.

after the shower i said to someone there, who i assumed was a friend of mine, that "my guitar was dead". i didn't have my contacts in, so i couldn't see shit, but of course it was the one girl on my floor i hadn't met yet. and of course she didn't speak english as her first language. she literally asked "who's 'my guitar'" like someone actually died. but i don't blame her. names are by-far the most confusing thing to decipher when it comes to second languages. i also worded it like someone died on purpose so it's kinda completely my fault. but whatever.

well i can say that, beyond a shadow of a doubt, my ass was overreacting about being unprepared in the last post. i dunno if i was just really emo at the time or not, but i can go to class just fine. i do think that i need to re-organize my classes so that they aren't so back-to-back. especially because socio and bio are right after eachother. especially because biology (which is first) absolutely sucks in terms of enjoyment.

socio was fun as fuck though. the prof was a cynical millenial, Shoe0nHead type guy who made the class feel more like a comedy show for post-modern bitches like me. i loved that. i will be keeping that class on my schedule for sure.

the last class i had that day was Japanese. it was very mediocre, but i expected that because i did so much pre-studying. it was mostly stuff to do with learning hiragana, but i've already practically mastered kana (minus fluent sight-reading), so it was pretty boring. didn’t mean it wasn't slightly enjoyable though. the prof is a Japanese woman who has a bit of an "Engrish" accent, but that didn't make problems though, after all, the Japanese prof is teaching Japanese, not English. she's quite nice and isn't that strict (in terms of professor strictness), so she's completely bareable. very nice.

the only thing that SUCKS about that class is amount of neckbeards and weebs in that room. but a few cool people were dotted around, including an actually HANDSOME guy who was just leaning cause he watched a few animes as a kid AND his grandma is Japanese.

the weirdos though… oh my FUCK. one sat TWO seats away from me, and i could SMELL his not-showered ass from where i was. it was so bad i moved a seat farther to get away from it. the girl i sat next to then was cool though. not sure why she chose the class because she seemed normal, but i gave her some tips on telling apart some of the hiragana so we a lil cool now.

to be completely honest, i wasn't expecting there to be many NORMAL people there though. well, i mean there WASN'T. but there was a good 50/50 split between the weirdos and normal people.

the people who started talking in broken Japanese right off the bat i could tell would be IMPOSSIBLE to deal with if i sat next to them, but fortunately the number of empty seats will not make that a problem. most of them probably think they either look cool for it, or will gain some level of respect from the one Japanese native in the room, furthering whatever shallow goal of "becoming Japanese" they think they can achieve. i don't see the point. like SURE, one Japanese person who teaches Japanese is aware YOU know a little more than the other people in the class, but it's not gonna make you asian or something.

after that i got a few things i needed from the bookstore, a few things from the cafeteria for lunch, then went back to the dorm. it's been HOT as FUCK lately, so i did everything in my power to look like i didn't just run a 10k. turned on the fan to max, got out the handheld-fan, closed the blinds, turned off most of the lights and even took off my pants for a while to get a little cooler. NOTHING here has AC because of "tHe eNvIrOnMeNt" so FUCK human comfort i guess. but again, whatever, looking good requires some sacrifices i guess.

i did some laundry, and got some things done, but other than that there wasn't a lot to do. apparently there was a sports game on the campus and people were coming back from the match at the time, so there was a lot of people getting drunk and stuff. but i was super chill.

i'm gonna need to hit up a friend to see what i can do to pass the time this weekend. looks like theres a few more sports games so i might go there just for the alc and parties and stuff. but other than that, not much to do in Victoria.