Katie Killings' Killer Emporium

i just want to start this off by saying that the first episode of Lazarus is the best episode of anime—from this generation—that i have ever seen.

the episode starts out with an amazing premise: almost the entire world population will die from the side effects of a panacea drug within one month, but with a single stipulation—if the someone can find it's elusive creator, he will give them the only cure.

i watched this blind, but when the plot was explained i was a little skeptical that it would turn out well. it's really hard to make something like that world well without flopping midway through—but considering the all-star set of people working on the anime, that seems highly unlikely. from what i've heard so far—not only is the director the same guy who did Cowboy Bebop, but they also have the choreographer for all 4 John Wick films, and the publisher is Adult Swim.

this anime is beautiful—every shot is a work of art. it seriously looks like they animated this on cels, which is an absolute godsend in this era of anime. if they actually did, and those cels are for sale, i'm probably going to be dropping a significant amount of cash on at least one. it's got a grounded, cyberpunk feel to it. the way the main character, Axel Gilberto, traverses through the city reminds me of the best parts of one of the award winning Mirror's Edge, one of my favorite games.

the music is on point, it more bebop jazz, which i HIGHLY love. it fits the scenes perfectly, making the fight and chase scenes feel exactly like Cowboy Bebop did. and the ED is an amazing song too.

as for the characters, i'm in love with practically every single one. the way they were introduced felt so natural that i was actually pleasantly surprised when i realized they'd all be working together. the way that was executed gives me extremely high hopes. Axel is so much fun to watch—his amazing, badass, 'charismatic criminal' demeanor is reminiscent of Spike Spiegel—even just listening to him talk to people was entertaining. i also need to say that the tech-girl is so cute, i love her already. and i'm so happy they actually have a diverse cast like Black Lagoon did—including a black character that ACTUALLY looks black for once (lol).

the fight scenes are amazing to watch. not only is the choreography on point—as per the choreographer—but it feels so smooth and natural it's almost mesmerizing. i'd watch them forever if i was able to.

the setting and the way they approached it was amazing. like i said above, the city is so pretty, and every shot could be a killer wallpaper, just like in Better Call Saul. the mix of cyberpunk and futurism was so fascinating, it was like seeing Cyberpunk 2077 for the first time, all over again. the shot of that huge tower in the center of Babylonia City even gave me the same vibes i got from seeing Mirror's Edge for the first time too. seriously, i can't wait to see more.

TL;DR: imagine someone took the setting, vibe, and artistic beauty of Cowboy Bebop, the setting of Mirror's Edge and Cyberpunk 2077, the world-wide race-to-the-finish plot of Ready Player One, and the budget of one of the biggest publisher in the west, and put that into a blender—giving you a holy puree of infinite wonder.

i really hope it keeps this up, because if it does, it'll most definitely be the best anime of the decade by a LONG SHOT.

please do watch it, they're only on episode two at the moment, so it won't be hard to catch up. i promise you will not doubt it.

Regardless of how I define what's good or bad for me, anything I do always ends up making me feel no joy or fulfilment—nothing feels worth it anymore. The only emotion I get concerning my productivity is the stress and fear I get from not doing something I know I should have.

Finding the willpower to start a task is much too haphazard to me. The level of strength I feel at any given moment is rather volatile—on some days I'll have no energy at all, on others I have more than enough of it. Typically, on any random day, I'll either be productive, or I won't leave my room.

Even so, when I actually do something, I never feel happy or content when I'm done—save for short-term dopamine rushes that I get from some tasks, like eating or smoking.

Anything that would normally bring the average person some happiness when completing—such as coming home from work, or finishing a project—brings me no joy whatsoever.

The only time I'll feel anything significant, is when I don't do something—forgetting the laundry, not taking out garbage bags, not packing for flights, and much more. Consistently, I'll be pissed at myself for not doing anything, but do little to correct the action in the future. I might—rarely—make a note of it, but it never leads anywhere.

I feel like I'm hitting my head on a brick wall, trying to get myself to even leave the building to get food—I've starved myself more than once in the last week alone because of this. It's infuriating. But the negative emotions never make me feel vindicated enough to actually act on them.

Everything that matters to me now are cheap thrills and quick dopamine rushes—and even those have felt weaker lately.

i fucking hate when bitches are like, "i'm straight, but i wish i was gay~". like what the fuck does that even mean? you wish the fairy-godmother of gayness would've casted the gay spell on you? you know they don't actually mean they wish they were attracted to the same sex. what they actually mean is that they want to 'act' like a gay person.

they think that being gayness goes hand-in-hand with some other positive feature, and act like being straight is just a handicap. white people do the same thing with other races, and the neurotypical with neurodivergence.

their dumb idea of what a gay person simply MUST act like is only a stereotype. even if it's a positive one. this treatment can be towards literally any group. when someone puts a smile on while saying something inflammatory, it's "friendly discrimination". that's what my high-school english teacher (the only black man at the school) called it. someone who isn't subjected to it might think that the stereotype is a good thing. desirable even. but being on the short end of the stick is just a sick joke at times.

when a cisgender person says something along the lines of, "oh, i'd love to be in your place, i always wanted a dick", i cringe. even if you had half of the experience i do, you'd deeply regret wish that.

can you imagine losing almost all of your connections in life just because you "weren't the person you said you were", based on that dick?

would you like to be treated like a predator for simply acting like a normal person?

do you want to have the threat of having your skull caved in with a fire extinguisher because you had a few old photos in your house your boyfriend saw when you weren't home?

Angie Zapata's killer waited 38 hours in her apartment for her to come home, just so he could beat to death the woman he said he loved. only to brag about it afterwards.

you want that? likely not.

most people will just go "but you get my point right?" as if it does shit. that doesn't do anything. your point is you're weak to stereotypes and preconception. people who are weak to that are the most likely to fall for conspiracies and the shit alt-wingers say. if you were pressed even a little further i'd bet that you also believe in some other, equally crazy shit.

please, for the love of everything in this fucked-up world, just treat people the same. no benefits, no doubts. like the motto of the goddamn country you love so much, just treat people as individuals for once. fuck.

at first i just thought it was just a hot pink RAZR V3, which was close, but not quite it. the color in the game (and in the game files) is a little lighter than the hot pink color irl, not to mention the inside is silver. so that meant going back to the drawing board.

next i figured that it might be a RAZR V3m, which was like a special model in a really light pink color and with the silver interior. but i realized pretty quickly that wasn't it either, both cuz the pink was too light and that the back camera had a bevel around it that wasn't like anywhere in the game.

when i thought it'd be a mystery, i found it. in flipside, Jecka has a pink and silver RAZR V3, which is a specific shade that's actually JUST off of what the V3m and the hot pink ones have. now i'm combing through the ones on ebay to find one that's unlocked and working to buy.

my wallet isn't going to like this... (lol)